Leading Change is a Superpower
What being an immigrant taught me about being a change leader
This article is Tenny Pandika Gillis’ Leadership Visibility Project as a part of her participation in the Future Asian Leaders Scholarship program. Tenny explores the parallels of her immigrant identity and how she’s woven that experience into being a Change Leader.
Change is the undercurrent of our lives. A forward motion pulling us in new directions as we grow older, happening to us by choice or factors beyond our control, and transforming us whenever we go after something different.
The impetus for change can be as simple as an idea or as far fetched as a dream. For me, a year into my life, everything changed because of the pure luck of winning the lottery. Not a cash payout, but a visa that allowed my family to come to America legally.
My parents sold everything they had in Bandung, a large city set amid volcanoes and the capital of Indonesia’s West Java province. They packed a few luggage worth of possessions, and flew, with my older sister and I in tow, to New York City where we’d start our new life together.
Like so many children of immigrants, when you have a front row seat to an epic life altering journey fraught with dangers, uncertainty, complicated and intense emotions, and disappointing setbacks, it can be easy to internalize how scary taking big risks can be. Let alone the pressure to even attempt to make up for what our parents gave up and went through. And while admittedly I’ve had my fair share of moments, and frankly way too many years, stuck out of fear of trying, putting myself out there, and failing, it didn’t stop the restless pull I often felt towards the possibility of something greater.
Now as Change Leader, I sit at the heart of transformational organizational activity, helping usher in new ways of working for the better. When I was first charged with establishing a change management practice, I instinctively dove into the growing body of work out there, pouring over articles and books, pulling out helpful concepts, frameworks, and processes, and tailoring them to meet the needs of the moment. In spearheading dozens of meaningful large-scale changes later, I’ve learned that the hardest part of change is what often gets overlooked the most: our feelings, experiences, and relationships. The aspects of ourselves that require the most honesty, vulnerability, and care.
I’m aware of how ironic my draw to and knack for the role is given my introverted nature and the quiet joy I find in routines and the familiar. But I also embrace that inherent to my ability to do my job well is the fundamental belief that we’re all capable of change, and that change is necessary for progress and growth. As I sat with this thought, I unearthed lessons rooted in my experience as a 1st generation American that have subconsciously guided and prepared me to lead change. And as I re-examined my relationship with change, I realized that I didn’t have to settle for just surviving in the face of it, but that thriving was also achievable.
Regardless of what kind of change you're looking to make, in your career or personal life, a secret passion you’ve always wanted to pursue or otherwise, I believe leading change is a superpower we are all capable of harnessing in all aspects of our lives.
It starts with daring to be courageous by asking and answering the hard questions honestly, listening to your gut, and committing to action. Throughout, it takes having the patience to bridge different worlds by communicating with intention and leading with strengths to to fill in the gaps and build new connections. And it takes the willingness to ask for help and to invest in empowering relationships to make change transformative.
Lesson #1: Dare to Be Courageous
It wasn’t until I became a parent, and now that I’m about the same age as my parents when they immigrated, do their decisions look different to me. I can understand their intense desire to give their children a better future and their steep sacrifice to make that happen. I can also imagine how terrifying and disheartening the prospect of leaving their home, jobs, and life behind just to start over from scratch must have been.
They were imperfect people doing the best they could with the limited information they had during an inopportune time in their lives. But when a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity presented itself, they couldn’t just pass it up and sit on the sidelines. They believed deeply enough in the American dream to go after it.
My parents, just like my ancestors before them who left China to find better opportunities, proved that when you align a strong work ethic with an unwavering determination to go after what you believe matters the most, it can yield extraordinary outcomes, even if it takes decades to materialize.
I summon this fierceness whenever I’m pursuing something I know to be important. I hold onto it whenever I choose to hold on to hope against all odds or take a leap of faith. I let it get amplified throughout my career in digital marketing, further enveloping myself in an industry and culture that actively chases the rapid pace of change or risk falling behind at your own peril.
Nonetheless, significant change is a big deal and requires a lot more than just wishful thinking to weather the challenges that can inevitably arise along the way. When you’re at a crossroad between changing and staying put, it takes looking inward. Ask yourself and honestly answer the hard questions to understand what’s really important to you and why. Becoming crystal clear about what your values, goals and priorities are takes quieting the mental noise that tends to muddle our thoughts and behaviors, including what others tell us we should think, feel or do. Conversely, it’s key to decipher what’s not worth it because there will always be plenty of shiny things vying for our time, attention, and resources.
Ultimately, change is a verb that requires action. That can be exceptionally hard to do when we’re not willing to acknowledge and address our underlying feelings. Even though science tells us that fear of change is hardwired into our brains, we’re often taught to ignore or deny what makes us uncomfortable. When that becomes our default mode, our fears don’t go away, they just end up playing an outsized role in our lives. Instead, when we actually listen to and process what’s actually holding us back, we gain the clarity needed to challenge our assumptions, mitigate risks where we can and muster the strength to face it head on anyways. Only by owning our emotional needs can we begin to open ourselves up to what could be possible.
The quality of this upfront work, between defining your dreams and fears, plays a critical role in igniting the desire for change and building the determination needed to follow through. Without it, it’s easy to get complacent with the status quo, distracted or discouraged.
That being said, even after a certain point there is no amount of additional information or time (aka overthinking and analysis paralysis) that will make more thinking more conducive to decision making. That’s when making an informed decision based on your emotional and experiential awareness is extremely valuable. Simply put, listen to your gut. There is a “deep neurological basis for intuition” which we experience as a “pulling energy, as if your choice is moving you toward your best interest.” Because waiting to be 100% ready is futile. There is no such thing as the perfect time of the perfect conditions for change, just good enough and the will to get started. Cultivating your inner intelligence is how we summon the courage to commit to change.
Daring to be courageous by nurturing our inner wisdom is how we lead change with conviction. We need to ground ourselves in what deeply resonates with us, confront our resistance head on, listen to our gut, and commit to forward action. As I try to remind myself, courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to acknowledge and push through it while also simultaneously listening to your gut and the direction it wants to take you.
Lesson #2: Bridge Different Worlds
Growing up I didn’t know any other Chinese Indonesian families. What I was accustomed to at home did not match the experiences of those around me or that of the media I consumed. I felt like I lived in a world all on my own, a minority amongst minorities, living in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn - a microcosm of the immigrant experience and aptly nicknamed “Little Odessa'' where most people I interacted with were also foreigners, primarily Russia.
To even navigate our day to day life, and help my parents do the same, I had to get used to teasing out intentions and subtext to figure out what was trying to be said beyond the imperfect English wielded by native tongues. Compounded by the fact that I had come of age during the ascension of home computers and the internet, I had inadvertently become a conduit for my parents' understanding of America and the digital frontier.
It didn't take long for my connection to my parents to start to fray as our dominant language, culture, and even a sense of humor diverged. While I felt worlds apart from my parents, fortunately, I had an older sister who gave me the space to express myself in ways I couldn’t otherwise and, from where I stood, was bold enough to pave the way so that I could have more freedom to explore and experiment.
Even when barriers to being understood weren’t obvious issues, I saw how much room there was for wires to get crossed. Playing interpreter and translator didn’t exactly teach me how to have my own voice heard effectively. Needless to say, when your ability to easily connect with others is not a given, learning to master your communication skills becomes a vital lifelong pursuit. l paired that with my observational curiosity of an anthropologist to help me make sense of the different worlds I occupied.
It wasn’t until adulthood that I wound up developing a great sense of pride in my ability to dig deep, unravel the complicated, make connections and recognize themes. I discovered ways to parlay these habits into a love of continuous learning and teaching. This inclination also helped me build better relationships by practicing being truly present, actively listening, and communicating with purpose. Rather than mainly focusing on how I was different from others, I started to notice more commonalities, our shared humanity. And eventually the distance between myself and others didn’t seem so impossibly far after all.
It wasn’t until more recently though that I learned that we all have unique strengths that influence how we make sense of the world and navigate through it. This shifted how I saw myself and my outsider perspective, diverse talents, and distinct voice. It helped me appreciate how they are all value adds and not something to be contorted just to fit in depending on who I was with. Suddenly I found it easier to invite others into my world and see the beauty in how others saw the world. We all bring something special to the table when we embrace our authentic selves.
These experiences serve as a reminder of how much we can all struggle to be heard and understood, and how there is always room to be more intentional in how we communicate so that we’re better able to intuit what is really needed in the moment. I keep this front and center whenever I’m trying to lead change, even when it seems like we are and where we need to be seems worlds apart.
Before we embark on any change journey, we need a map to guide us. If one is not readily available, we need to roll up our sleeves and do the work. We need to plot out where we are and where we need to end up, and determine what it would take to get there. The tricky part is accepting the fact that we don’t need to know all the answers. Do your research but don’t forget that working with others is how we can best make sense of the unknown, especially when we have to learn something new to move forward.
This is where effective communication and how we play to your strengths and recognize the strengths in others can save us a lot of time and energy. When seeking input from others, be clear and direct and hold space for them with curiosity and patience. Each time we do this by honoring our diversity in experiences and gifts, we add another layer of rich detail to our map. Like how it’s helpful to know where to avoid traffic, where the tolls are, or where the rest stops are. Bit by bit, this process helps us connect the dots and piece together the bigger picture.
It’s also worth remembering that even the best well laid out plans do not guarantee flawless outcomes. Life is full of unforeseen curveballs, and how we handle them is just as important to our success. And just like any other skill, we can strengthen our muscles for managing the unexpected by practicing being mindful of what is and isn't in our control and by being flexible in coming up with and going after alternative solutions and plans.
Bridging the different worlds we need to move through by nurturing our experiences is how we lead with clarity. We need to be proactive, thoughtful, and adaptable in planning our change journeys. When we own our strengths, build on the strengths of others, and communicate with intention, we’re much more effective in filling in any knowledge or skill gaps. Approaching our journeys with all of this in mind improves how we get to where we need to go.
Lesson #3: Invest in an Empowering Support System
The road to the finish line can be winding and seemingly endless. And once you’ve reached your goal, you may wonder if it was even worth the price you had to pay to get there, especially when it comes at the cost of your well-being.
Far removed from any family or support my parents knew, navigating life’s hurdles was lonely and difficult. Access to community and resources felt like a privilege beyond my reach. Plus, it didn’t help that our individualistic society prizes ambition as a solo endeavor, a way of proving our self-reliance.
Where I had been used to just powering through challenges alone, I didn’t fully grasp the gravity of this approach and the negative consequences it had on my physical or mental health. I falsely believed self sufficiency, perfectionism and burnout were badges of honor rather than detriments to fulfilling and sustainable progress. I learned the hard way that our journeys don't have to be a depleting and isolating pursuit.
Thankfully I have turned to books and therapy to help me understand the true meaning of self-care. I’ve anchored myself to a partner, my son and loved ones who have infused my life with an abundance of love, grace and levity to nurture my soul regardless of what journey I’m on or what comes my way. Over the years friends, colleagues, and managers have shown me the incredible power of having each other’s back. I’ve even had the pleasure of being part of so many amazing teams that have accomplished mind blowing feats because of the wonders of collective force. People who believed in me when I couldn’t for myself and who showed me what is possible when I move beyond my own limitations.
To me, being a change leader is to be energized by the fact that you get to shape a journey that is just as rewarding as the destination itself. It requires care, attention, and commitment to create an empowering support system that enables you to conquer your challenges.
Make sure you surround yourself with those you can count on to help you along the way. People who can offer an empathetic ear, clarify your thoughts and decision making, call out your blind spots, lend their expertise, and uplift you. Let yourself be motivated by the surge of positive energy that comes from having supportive relationships. Let them help you realize your full potential. Because when we feel stuck or discouraged, we need to let go of the illusion that you have to do it all on your own, that you shouldn’t ask for help.
Taken one step further, foster mutually beneficial relationships. I am a firm believer in the law of giving and receiving, the principle where the universe operates through dynamic exchange. Which means, the more we give, the more we will get back. And the more we embrace our need for support, the more willing we need to be in showing up for others.
When being a part of a community feels elusive, seeking out organizations like Asians in Advertising can be a wonderful blessing. By taking a chance on myself to apply to their The Future Asian Leaders (FAL) program, I wound up getting another lucky break. The thoughtfully designed program brought 30 incredibly impressive individuals together to help us break down our barriers to reaching our leadership potential. The awe-inspiring coach Nicole Cruz helped us honor our cultural gifts and obstacles, created a safe space for us to share our visions for our ideal future self and difficult feelings, and guided us towards realistic and meaningful actions towards progress. It was transformative to undergo a leadership visibility journey with an encouraging group that deeply understood each other's struggles. This is the essence of community care that elevates everyone.
Investing in an empowering support system by nurturing our relationships is how we lead with compassion. Harnessing the power of our connection to others is what makes the impossible start to magically feel possible. It’s what fuels and replenishes our spirits. Because when we feel seen and supported, we move beyond just surviving and into thriving in the face of change.
Conclusion
Looking back at all the change journeys I’ve been a part of, I see how my life has unfolded in unexpected ways because of the changes that were set in motion by others. It is because of the choices made by my family and everyone else who fought for societal and organizational change that I’ve had opportunities that would have otherwise been out of reach to me, especially as an Asian woman. It is their collective courage and impact that have emboldened me to keep the torch of being an agent of change alive.
Moreover, I’ve come to deeply appreciate how my hardships have taught me the most about the importance of keeping my big dreams alive, making the most out of the hands I’ve been dealt, and charting my own path.
I’m beyond proud to come from a long line of immigrants and to have inherited a fierecess towards the unknown for the sake of progress. However, I’m also passionate about reimagining and passing down a legacy that cultivates our hearts and minds to proactively go after what matters to us with conviction, clarity and compassion.
So, next time you have a gnawing feeling that somewhere on the other side of disruption and discomfort lies something worthwhile just waiting for you, I challenge you to summon your courage from a place of honesty, be willing to put in the work to bridge the different worlds you need to move through, and surround yourself in good company. Taken together, our change journeys become grounded in meaningful purpose, we’re guided by a clear roadmap, and we gain the support, confidence and hope to flourish.
In demystifying change, I’m hoping we can all thrive from having more people willing to nurture their inner wisdom, experiences, and relationships as the most powerful forces in igniting and realizing the change we wish to see.
